I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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