Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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