why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
