it was like eating out sand paper
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
