His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
