Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
