After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
