Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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