Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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