so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
