thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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