shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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