Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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