im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
