either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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