He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
