duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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