i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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