I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
