just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
