I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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