mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
