he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
