nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
