so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
