I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
