Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
