ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
