i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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