The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dignity is for republicans.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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