So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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