Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
