Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
