I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
