guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
