Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
