let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We're too hungover to prance.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
