Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When are your genitals available?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
