the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
