Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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