Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
