please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
