hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
