Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
