matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
