You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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