i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
