He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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