Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
