idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
